Good News!!! ... (I think)

(our most recent picture of Lydi@)

Ricardo just forwarded an email to me from our attorney's office in Guatemala. It sounds like they finally have the document they need to resubmit our paperwork to PGN. This, of course, all hinges on how accurately I was able to translate the email from them. I am on pins and needles waiting for Ricardo to return my call so I can be sure that I can really believe my eyes!

I feel like I could fly right now. You would think we were going to be packing up and leaving to get her next week. In reality, we still have at least 2 months to go. But I am just so relieved that our case is finally moving again. We spent an nearly 3 months at a complete stand still. It was so frustrating.

As I think over these months, I am awed at how much God has taught me. This period has been one of literally prying Lydi@ and her well being out of my hands so that I could hand her over to God. This is how God wants me to be as a mother. Loving Lydi@ like crazy, caring for her to the best of my ability, and then trusting her to God. There is a profound lesson in all of this for me.

I find myself far more at peace these days in regards to all of life. God is in control, what have I to fear?

Mysterious Ways of God

I had an "aha" this morning as I was taking a walk and thinking about our situation...

Just because this has been difficult and jam-packed with obstacles does not mean that:

• God is not answering our prayers
• God is not actively involved in this

We've been praying hard since day 1 for a smooth and fast process. We've had anything but that. It's caused me to wonder if my prayers really matter in this situation, and whether God is taking the time to intervene on our behalf.

But as I walked this morning, I realized that there are a myriad of things that have happened in the midst of this that have God's handprints all over them. He has put us in touch with a number of people who are in a position to advise and help us. We've been able to find out far more information than a typical adoptive family would because of these contacts.

God knew even before He created our Lydi@ that He wanted her to be a part of our family. He also knew we were going to wind up with the agency and attorney we have, and the issues we have.

When things are hard, we sometimes wonder where God is in it all. What a good reminder to myself (which can be applied to all of life) that God's purpose in our lives isn't to make everything easy. If it were, we would be tempted to live independently of Him. And that, at the end of the day, would be the very worst thing for any of us.

All of this is a great relief to me. I don't need "easy." What I need is to know, down to my toes, that God is intimately involved in all the aspects and details of my life. And today I was reminded by Him again that He most certainly is.

"You are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Psalm 139:3

Trust and Rest

(Lydi@ showing Mommy and Papi her two teeth!)

Nobody told me that this process could get so messy. Nobody told me that I would put my heart out on the line and have it dangling there for so long.

There isn't enough room on this blog to explain all the difficulty we are having with our case (I guess even if there were, I probably wouldn't put the information here.). That said, we can't believe how hard this has been.

I suppose if things had happened lickity-split I might have made the erroneous assumption that bringing a child into your family is as simple as snapping your fingers. Not so. This is a child--a little life--not a puppy.

So, we march on. We literally feel as though we are fighting for Lydi@. As hard as this has been, and as anxious as we are to get to the other side, something about that feels right. All of this will be part of her story. You were wanted. Desperately wanted.

Last night I started to feel anxious again. This morning I hear His still small voice calling me to trust Him. I have been thinking this morning about the correlation between trust and rest. When I think that this is all up to me and fail to bring God into the equation, my heart becomes anxious and heavy. But when I place this in His hands, and come to that place of complete trust, my heart is at rest. This is where He wants me to stay.

I teeter back and forth between anxiety and trust. Isn't this the journey we are all on, no matter our life circumstances? God says to each of us "Trust Me."

(parenthesis)

Believe it or not, just as I finished typing the words "Trust Me" the phone rang. I don't normally pick up "anonymous caller" calls --but this time I did. It was my little precious angel ...calling me! We have a lovely foster mother who calls us at least once a week. I just finished listening to Lydi@ coo and giggle for a good five minutes.

Ahhhh (translation--deep sigh of relief). She is safe and well.

Mommy and Papi ...Thank you for the walker you had Sara bring to me. I love it! It has all sorts of buttons, lights and things that make noise. Sara and I had a good visit. She saw my two teeth and my elaborate shoe collection (including my hot pink crocks!). She also prayed over me...and prayed that I would come home soon. I miss you!

Lydi@

"To visit or not to visit, that is the question"

People have been asking me if I plan to go and visit Lydi@ again. I have thought it through and decided it wouldn't be the best thing for her to take her from what she is familiar with, keep her with me for a week, shift her back to her Foster Mom, only to come again a few months later and force her to transition again. But what I realized today is that there is another reason I don't want to go, one I wasn't really aware of until now.

If I go and hold her in my arms again, there is no way I'm leaving without her.

And since right now we don't have a timeline of when this tangled mess of a process will be straightened out, that could mean renting an apartment for an undefined amount of time in Guatemala. And since my husband's friends who live there do not have a bulletproof car or bodyguard to spare (yes, they have both), he is not too keen on me going to such a dangerous place alone.

On a brighter note, our friend who is in Guatemala for language school has been able to visit Lydi@ twice, and give us reports on how great she is doing. Having her see Lydi@ is the next best thing to our being able to go.

Labor Pains

Although I haven't carried our daughter in my womb, nor did I go through the experience of physically bringing her into the world, I am learning that the adoption process carries its own labor pains.

I bypassed the morning sickness and uncomfortable sleeping positions, I know. But those coming by children the "natural" way actually know (within reason) when they will be able to hold their little ones. Yes, the moment of birth is painful to say the least; but, it is (generally) short lived. And at the end, "voila!" you have your baby.

Our little girl's room was ready to go in January. It's difficult walking by, peering in at the pink walls and empty crib. I finally had to stop buying clothes in anticipation of her arrival, because she kept outgrowing them.

Today is her 10 month birthday. Our case is tangled up in limbo at the moment, we are just hopeful that she might be home by her first birthday. But we have no way of knowing.

She is already crawling. She has two teeth. She's eating solids.

Our landing place in all the uncertainty is the sovereignty of God. He sees our situation, and He has not taken His eyes off of Lydi@ for one minute. What gives me comfort is knowing this, and remembering that one day, soon enough, this beautiful little angel will be in my arms. And that in the meantime, we can rest in the fact that she is cared for, safe, and well loved by her foster mom.