We're on the Sub Attorney General's Desk!

(caption: Please come get me mommy)

We are on the home stretch. Once he signs our file, which we hope won't take more than a week or two, we are just days from being released from PGN. (The Sub Attorney General rarely issues previos, but he can and has.)

What happens after that? Several things. A second DNA test is done. A new birth certificate is issued with Lydi@ 's new last name. A passport is issued. All of these things will take about 4-8 weeks.

It seems to good to be true that this nightmare of waiting might finally be over. We are holding our breath at the moment, waiting for a good report from the Sub Attorney General.

We're still asking for a Christmas Baby...

New Photos!

This is a typical Lydi@ expression. We love it! Her face holds the same innocence it did on our visit back in January when she was just three months. We're still not decided on what her expression is saying. Feel free to vote in the "comments" section:

A. "I am the sweetest little thing in the universe...obviously."
B. "I didn't do it. Do you think someone as cute as me would have done such a thing?!"
C. This is my doggie, not Luis's, right?

Last night a relative of the foster mom emailed these pictures to us. I had accepted the fact that no more photos would be forthcoming, and we got this wonderful surprise!

God has taken care of us in the midst of this. Our agency and our attorney parted ways early in the summer, so under normal circumstances we shouldn't have received any more photos or updates of Lydi@, or had the opportunity to send her packages.

It turns out a good friend of ours went down to Guatemala this summer for language school, and was able to visit twice with Lydi@, deliver clothes, and take photos. That was such a gift.

Then in September, some dear friends of ours went to Guatemala to pick up their son, and were able to spend 3 hours with Lydi@ and the foster mom, deliver a package for me, and take photos.

I had settled it in my heart that I wouldn't see her sweet face again until we went to pick her up, and then last night we got another new set of photos. We know that it was not a quick and easy thing to get these pictures to us (long story), but the foster mom and her relative Anna were bound and determined to get these pictures to us.

We feel very fortunate that we have contact with the foster mom; if we didn't, we literally would have received no information on Lydi@, how she is doing, how our case is progressing, or any photos since June. Even though the wait is hard, having these gifts in the meantime helps ease our minds and hearts quite alot.

Preparation

One of my very favorite pictures taken of Lydi@ (at 3 months) on our trip in January

Room ready? Check. List of things to pack drawn up? Check. List of questions for the foster mom? Check. All appropriate books read (Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, Dr. Spock, Becoming a Family--Promoting Healthy Attachments with your Adopted Child, Babywise, The Connected Child, The Whole Life Adoption Book, Toddlerwise)? Check. Stroller purchased? Check. Baby carrier? Check.

We've had far longer than anticipated to prepare. In fact, most of those books were read so long ago, I feel the need to go back and review them. I think once we're out of PGN I'll really delve into final prepations, shopping, packing, etc.

We've read alot of material on attachment. Although it may seem a bit extreme to some, we have decided to implement some things we think will help Lydi@ adjust well and attach to us. It is very fortunate that she is with a foster mother (as opposed to an orphanage) because she has had the opportunity to attach with her. Early attachment is a crucial life event. And those who have attached to someone can than transfer that to another person. Families adopting babies who have not attached have a much harder, longer challenge on their hands to make that attachment happen.

It is our goal to somewhat protect Lydi@ from alot of visitors and outsiders for a time after our return to the U.S. This, unfortunately, means no big welcoming party at the airport, and no stream of visitors through our home, at least in the beginning. I will hold her as much as possible (I found a great baby carrier where I can carry her on my hip). She will probably sleep with us (or me) for a while. We won't leave her with anyone (babysitter, etc.) for at least 4 months, and probably will not allow anyone to hold her for at least a month. These are just some of the things we've decided upon after doing research on how to help a little one attach to a "new" parent. We are hoping that these things will help Lydi@ feel safe with us and develop a strong trust and bond.

Please keep praying that things go smoothly the rest of the way through PGN. The next person to look at our file is the PGN bigwig. We want a positive determination from him so that we can bring our baby home!

Getting Closer

I just spoke to our attorney. Good news! The second reviewer has approved our file. What does this mean? First of all, we have passed through the two toughest hoops of PGN. Rarely, rarely does a previo get issued after this point. We're not completely in the clear, but very close to it :-)

Our file is now sent to an official who reviews all names and dates for accuracy (we have been told this person cannot issue a previo...whew!). After that, our file goes to the desk of the Sub Attorney General for signature. We anticipate if all goes as planned to be out of PGN in three weeks. After that, Lydi@ is officially and legally ours. We still have another month to six week wait after that while all the final touches are done (new Birth Certificate, passport issued, second DNA test, etc.).

So...it's looking like my prayer may be answered -- there is a good chance we could have Lydi@ by Christmas. Wouldn't that be something!!??

Unhappy at the Moment

As you can see, Lydi@ isn't so happy with these circumstances either!!

I am in touch at the moment with an emotion that (believe it or not) I don't feel all that often regarding this journey. For those who don't like negativity, please skip down to the next entry... you will see an adorable photo of sweet Lydi@ at her birthday party.

At my worst, I usually am experiencing sadness around how long this has taken. Sometimes, I actually feel hope and excitement. But today is one of those rare days where I'm just plain mad.

It's probably not a good idea to skim the web this way, but I find myself strangely connected to other parents out there who are in this process with us, and even find comfort in reading various blogs, albeit of total strangers. It helps me to feel less alone.

But today, all I'm seeing is "We're out of PGN." ... then another blog "We're out of PGN." And "We're out of PGN." This wouldn't all seem so unfair if their babies weren't 4-6 months younger than mine (and we didn't still have another 2-3 to go).

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled for these families and the fact that they can bring their children home. Is it possible to be happy for them, and ticked off at my situation at the same time?

Word to the wise, and anyone looking at international adoption: Do your homework. Ask for references, references, and more references. You want to be sure you are working with a reputable agency who knows what they are doing, who is committed to integrity in the process, and who genuinely cares about the parents and the children they serve.

I think the bulk of delays are behind us. Now it's just a waiting game as the Guatemalan Government reviews our documents. We hope that within 3 weeks we will be out of PGN. This is all assuming we don't get another "previo," which unfortunately could add more delays.

...It felt good to get all of that off my chest.

Lydi@'s visit with Samuel

No matter that it was 11:30 p.m. and we were exhausted. Our friends emailed us some photos from their visit with Lydi@ and the Foster Mom, and we sat there for 20 minutes playing the slide show (over and over...and over).

This is a photo of Lydi@ with Samuel. Noone has quite figured out why she is poking him in the ear. We have joked about an arranged marriage. I'm not sure this is the way to win his affections.

She is wearing a darling outfit that I received at my shower (way back in February). It's a 12-months size, but she's still swimming in it. She and Samuel are practically the same size, despite the fact that she is 3 1/2 months older than him.

The little baby I cradled in my arms last January is no longer so little. I wish I could go back in time and hold her as a six month old, watch her eat her first spoonful of rice cereal at nine months and help her blow out her candle at her first birthday party. I can't regain those precious lost months. What I can do is look forward to the precious months ahead when she is once and for all ours.

Letter to Lydi@...

I'm asking God to bring you home by Christmas. I admit I'm afraid to ask. I don't want to face the disappointment. Disappointment that you aren't here, and disappointment in God not answering this prayer.

I'm trying really hard to stay in a place of trust; to be strong; to wait patiently.

But every once in a while I get tired of being strong and just want to beg God to make things happen.

Hoping. Praying. Waiting. Trusting. Aching...Hoping

Mommy

Waiting, waiting and more waiting

Photo of Lydi@ "at home" in July...








I was so anxious for today to come, because we were supposed to get more information on how our case is doing in PGN. It looks now like we'll have to wait until next Tuesday to get that information. All this waiting is killing me. But, I suppose no news is good news.

On a brighter note, yesterday some friends of ours who are in Guatemala picking up their son were able to meet with Lydi@ and the foster mom. They called us from the hotel and shared with us how darling Lydi@ was (they didn't tell us this, but we found out later from the foster mom that when they placed Lydi@ and their son on the couch next to each other, she hit him. Both Ricardo and I have a feeling that our little girl is going to have a mind of her own).

The foster mom wanted to put on the outfits I had sent along for Lydi@, so they had a little fashion show. I can't wait to see the photos. It's been a few months since we've seen pictures--I can't imagine how much she has changed.

She weighed 21 pounds at her one year doctor's appointment. She says Mama, Papa, and Agua. And she waves "bye bye." I can't believe how much she is growing...

Baby Girl's First Birthday

Eleven months ago, when we received the referral for our sweet daughter, I wouldn't have guessed in a million years that we would not have her by her first birthday. Our expectations were initially set for sometime between February and April. I prepared my mind for a worst-case scenario of sometime early summer. Here we are, hoping and praying for a Christmas Baby.

Yesterday we sang Happy Birthday (twice) to our little Lydi@ over the phone. Then we were able to hear the details of her birthday party from her foster mother (I can't tell you how grateful I am to have a bilingual husband).

Since we couldn't spend her birthday with her, it brought us some comfort to know that her birthday was not only celebrated, but celebrated with gusto.

A few of the highlights...

Spiderman pińata
A real live clown!
Lots of yummy tostadas
40 people
3 cakes
Lydi@ in a princess dress
Dora the Explorer pińata

Some friends of ours are in Guatemala this very week picking up their son, and will be meeting Lydi@ on Wednesday. We can't wait to see the photos they take, as well as the photos the foster mother is going to pass on to them from Lydi@ 's birthday party.

No new news on our case. We will know this Thursday if we passed muster with the second reviewer at PGN. After that, just one more hoop to jump through and we should be home free.

Loving you from afar

The very first photo we got of Lydi@ back in October...

This Saturday will be Lydi@ 's 1st Birthday. As she is surrounded by her foster mom, foster brother, and their relatives, she has no idea that there are two others who wish more than anything they could be the ones celebrating with her.

Hi precious one...

You don't know me yet, but not a day has gone by these last 12 months of your life that I have not thought of you.

You don't love me yet, but I have loved you since the day you were born, and my love for you grows with each passing day.

You don't know it yet, but you have a beautiful bedroom waiting for you, full of toys, clothes, and furniture handpicked with great thought and consideration.

You aren't aware of it, but I am loving you from afar. Someday you will know and understand your story, how much we longed for you. How we waited for you.

But for now, our prayer is that you feel loved and safe, that you are spoiled and doted upon on your birthday, and that your tiny heart is happy and content.

OUT!

Five minutes ago I found out that we are no longer in the minor's section in PGN. This is wonderful news! Being investigated in the minor's section adds a minimum of a month and a half to the process, possibly more.

We are back on track in PGN. The next reviewer that needs to look at our file could still issue a previo; we are hoping and praying that does not happen. It looks like we have a good chance of having Lydia home by Christmas (unless we get another previo).

I am so happy. And so, so thankful.

Limbo, dabbling and other thoughts...

I feel very much in limbo.

Having assumed we would have Lydi@ here back in the spring, I have somewhat held off on starting anything new or committing to too much. Month to month we keep expecting things to break loose. Month to month I find myself in this place of waiting.

I'm learning something about myself. I like to dabble. I learned how to play the guitar, and really enjoyed that for several years. Then I moved on to knitting. Followed by 2 years of Spanish classes, dance classes and some writing classes. I even helped design and lead a class at our church. As I look back, I realize that I really haven't gotten good at anything. But I'm learning to accept my interest in dabbling. I try something new (hopefully something with a creative element), get bored, and then move on to the next thing. I'm blessed to have a husband who actually appreciates and encourages my ever-changing interests.

I haven't signed up for any classes (although some have looked appealing) because I keep anticipating that "in just a couple of months" we'll have Lydi@ home. I finally have decided to sign up for some cooking classes which start in October (cooking appears to be shaping up to be my latest creative interest).

No new word on our case. We are expecting some news this week. We are praying for it to be good news.