Thoughts on Trust

Still waiting for news.

Up until two days ago, I was doing okay in this place. Trusting that this would somehow all work out and everything would be fine.

A couple of nights ago I had a hard time falling asleep. I found myself slipping into that place of "what if?" Since then, I've been very aware again how difficult it has been for me to trust God with this.

My question right now is..."what would it look like to trust God in this situation?"

Does it mean trusting that everything will work out just fine? To me, that feels like a superficial trust. Kind of like--"I'll trust God to do what I'm telling Him to do."

Does it mean not worrying or fearing? Yet, how could any human being not be worried at this point? Not feeling would be the equivalent of denial. At this point we're not sure whether or not we might lose our daughter.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out right now is how to hold these very real human emotions, and trust Him implicitly, at the same time. That is where the tension is for me right now.

Lydi@ at 14 months

Making Headway

The biggest problem we have at the moment is a lack of clear understanding of what the problem is with our case. We have been given conflicting stories from various sources. So, before the problems can be addressed, everyone needs to come to the table with some honesty.

We are grateful to have some people on the ground in Guatemala who are ethical, caring, competent and connected. Together with them we have come up with a strategy on how to get to the bottom of this.

There are several possibilities of what is going on. Some of them are solvable. At least one of them is not. And so, we try to remain positive that this is all going to work out. I think by Friday we will know more.

Pray for Lydi@

What a hard week this has been. What a complicated situation we find ourselves in. There are so many "players," so many involved in this whole process. My heart is breaking right now. I feel like our precious and sweet little girl is a pawn as people argue over things that have nothing to do with what is best for her. It seems everyone is out for personal gain.

We believe God brought Lydi@ to our family, and that she belongs to us. And that is even more apparent as I look over the landscape of all that is going on and see that amongst the crowd associated with our adoption, we are the only ones that seem to have Lydi@ 's best interests at heart. We are her true parents.

We re fighting for Lydi@ in prayer. That is where the real battle lies. At the same time, we are fighting in the earthly realm and doing what we can do bring order to what is going on. The outcome is not in our hands, yet we trust that God will move on Lydi@ 's behalf to bring her safely to her rightful family.

"His Love Endures Forever"

This is the phrase (from the Psalms) that has been coming to mind for me over the last several days.

On Tuesday night, we received some news that was an extremely hard blow to us. If correct, the information could jeopardize our adoption of Lydi@. On Wednesday, we got more information that brought a ray of hope into the situation. Later today, we expect to have more clarification on what is going on. If need be, we will go to Guatemala next week and see if there's something we can do to straighten things out.

In the midst of this--you can imagine--my emotions have been all over the board. Sadness, fear, numbness, denial. Today, though, I am feeling hopeful.

We believe God brought Lydi@ into our family, and as it says in Isaiah 43 -- No one can deliver out of My hand, when I act, who can reverse it?

I sense the need to hold this with an open hand, while at the same time standing in a place of confidence and trust that God will bring our girl home.



The verse that has been coming to mind for me lately for Lydi@ is Jeremiah 29:11 -- For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.




We have had such a fight all along the way with this. When we are opposed, we can be sure that God must have something significant on the other side of the battle.

THE LORD STRONG AND MIGHTY, THE LORD MIGHTY IN BATTLE! PSALM 24:8